I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
