Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
