Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
