you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
