Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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