Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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