im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
