We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
