This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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