I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
