There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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