We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We are all done wearing pants today
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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