Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
