why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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