He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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