I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
