I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
