8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
