Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
