How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
