Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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