Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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