I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
