we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
