I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
