we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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