I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
