I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
