We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
