There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
