i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
