dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
