my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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