Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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