i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
