I smell stomach acid.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
