if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
