I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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