im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a search helicopter?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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