this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pants are for mortals
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
