it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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