he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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