She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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