yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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