My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
