I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
