you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
