somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
