You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
