I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
