last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i came on her dog
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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