Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
