Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
