When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
